The mirror arrangement of human consciousness commonly reflects outward: we observe, analyze and judge the world around us. However, a crucial component to mental health and authentic happiness is the ability to turn that mirror back on ourselves with a lens of self-compassion.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is much more than a kind form of self-criticism, it goes beyond positive thinking about ourselves. It is a mental and emotional attitude that combines kindness toward ourselves, recognition of our shared humanities, and mindfulness.
The elements of self-compassion
Kindness toward ourselves
Our society often glorifies toughness and self-improvement. However, research shows that harsh, consistently negative criticism actually undoes our motivation and obscures our ability to accurately perceive ourselves. Self-kindness involves treating our weaknesses, mistakes, and failures with the same patience and understanding as we treat a friend.
Recognition of our shared humanity
Due to our tendency to compare ourselves , it is easy to feel isolated in our negative experience. This isolation exacerbates the feeling of failure, as if everyone else is doing it right and only we are falling behind. However, recognizing our shared humanity means understanding that all human beings are imperfect and that all suffer. This allows us to feel connected rather than isolated in our moments of difficulty.
Mindfulness
In addition to self-kindness and recognition of our shared humanity, self-compassion requires mindfulness fullness: the ability to observe our negative experiences without judging them or trying to make them go away. Mindfulness helps us see our difficulties and suffering clearly, so that we can work to alleviate them without falling into negativity or excessive self-pity.
The role of self-compassion in mental health
Self-compassion can play a powerful role in mental health. Research has shown a correlation between self-compassion and a lower incidence of anxiety and depression symptoms. Additionally, people with self-compassion are less prone to crippling perfectionism, excessive self-criticism, and extreme negative emotional reactivity. By treating ourselves with kindness and acceptance, we can create a foundation of emotional resilience and insulation against stress and hardship.
How to cultivate self-compassion
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is essential for self-compassion. By making a conscious effort to observe our experiences and emotions without judging them, we can begin to accept our mistakes and weaknesses as part of the human condition. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, from meditation to journaling.
Develop the language of self-compassion
The words we use to talk about ourselves can influence in how we feel and act towards ourselves. By replacing self-criticism with compassionate and encouraging language, we can begin to shift our thinking and attitudes toward one of greater acceptance and kindness.
Connecting with Others
Self-compassion is not just about oneself. It also requires recognizing our shared humanity and connecting with others. By seeking emotional support, empathy, and shared understanding, we can strengthen our self-compassion and resilience.
Self-reflection: The doorway to self-compassion
Self-compassion is a skill that can be developed and cultivated. It starts with observation and reflection, realizing how we talk to ourselves and how we deal with our own faults and weaknesses. From there, we can learn to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we extend to others.
At the end of the day, self-compassion is not an easy route to inflated self-esteem or selfishness. Instead, it is an ever-present path of self-care and empathy that allows us to confront our difficulties and the realities of life with courage and kindness.