In today's society, we are constantly surrounded by expectations and pressures that lead us to feel obligated to meet certain standards and comply with certain norms. These demands can come from both our social environment and our own internal voice, creating what is commonly known as self-demands. "Shoulds" become a constant in our minds, dictating how we should behave, what we should achieve, and who we should be. However, these self-demands can have a negative impact on our mental health, leading us to experience high levels of anxiety and stress.
The origin of self-demands
Self-demands usually have their origin in our past experiences, social and cultural expectations, and comparison with others. From an early age, we are taught to aim for perfection and to feel good only when we meet certain success criteria. These expectations are internalized and become automatic thought patterns, which leads us to self-generate constant "shoulds" that pressure us and judge us.
Today's society, with its emphasis on productivity, performance and image, also contributes significantly to increasing our self-demands. Social media, in particular, has created a space where constant comparison with others and seeking external validation can foster a sense of inadequacy and the need to achieve unattainable perfection.
On the other hand, Self-demands can also be the product of irrational beliefs and cognitive distortions. Thoughts such as "I should be able to do everything", "I should be perfect" or "I should be loved by everyone", can generate an unrealistic level of demand that only contributes to increasing anxiety and emotional discomfort. .
Impact of self-demands on anxiety
Perfectionism and fear of failure
One of the main problems that arise from self-demands is perfectionism, the search constant desire for excellence and fear of failure. People who set high standards for themselves tend to experience high levels of anxiety, as they feel like they are never doing enough or never achieving the desired perfection. This fear of failure can paralyze the person, preventing them from advancing in their goals and generating a cycle of constant anxiety.
Mental rigidity and lack of self-acceptance
Self-demands can also lead to a mental rigidity, where the person inflexibly clings to his or her own norms and rules. This lack of flexibility can generate high levels of stress, since the person is constantly in conflict with themselves by not being able to meet all their internal demands. Furthermore, the lack of self-acceptance that underlies self-demands can lead to a deterioration in self-esteem and a constant feeling of inadequacy.
How to manage self-demands?
Recognize and address the Self-demands are essential to reduce anxiety and improve mental health. Below are some strategies that may be helpful in managing self-demands in a healthy way:
Practice self-compassion
Cultivating self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and understanding. , instead of judging ourselves in a negative and demanding way. By learning to be more compassionate with ourselves, we can reduce the pressure of having to meet unrealistic standards and foster greater emotional well-being.
Question your automatic thoughts
It's important to question our automatic thoughts and challenge those irrational self-demands that we impose on ourselves. Ask yourself if it is really necessary to meet all those internal demands and if it will really matter that much in the future. Often, we realize that many of these self-demands are not as important as we thought.
Set realistic and flexible goals
Instead of chasing perfection, it is important to set realistic goals and flexible that allow us to move forward gradually and adaptively. Learning to celebrate achievements, no matter how small, and accept mistakes as part of the learning process, can be key to reducing the anxiety associated with self-demands.
Disconnect from comparisons
Moving away from constant comparison with others on social networks or other areas of life can be essential to reduce self-imposed pressure and improve self-esteem. Remembering that each person is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses, can help reduce the negative impact of self-demands on our lives.
Conclusion
Self-demands, with their constants \ "shoulds" and internal demands can trigger high levels of anxiety and stress that negatively affect our mental health. It is essential to recognize the harmful effects of these self-demands and learn to manage them in a healthy way, through self-compassion, questioning irrational thoughts, setting realistic goals and disconnecting from comparisons with others. By doing so, we can free ourselves from self-imposed pressure and cultivate greater emotional well-being in our lives.