Love as a couple is an exciting and profound experience that can bring happiness and satisfaction to our lives. However, just like any other relationship, couples can face challenges and conflicts that test their love and commitment to each other. Sometimes, these challenges can manifest themselves in a destructive way through what psychologist John Gottman has called "The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse of love in the couple". These patterns of behavior are corrosive to the relationship and can lead to its deterioration if not properly addressed.
1. Criticism
Criticism is one of the first riders of the apocalypse of love in the couple. It manifests itself when one of the members of the relationship destructively criticizes their partner, attacking their character or personality instead of addressing the specific problem. Constant and hurtful criticism can undermine the other's self-esteem and confidence, creating an environment of negativity and resentment in the relationship.
Impact of criticism on the couple
Constant criticism It can erode the very foundation of the relationship, weakening the bond of trust and emotional connection between partners. Furthermore, it can generate a negative cycle in which the partner feels attacked and reacts defensively, thus fueling a pattern of toxic and harmful communication.
2. Contempt
Contempt is one of the most destructive riders in a relationship. It is manifested through gestures, words or attitudes of contempt towards others, expressing a feeling of superiority or disgust. Contempt can manifest itself in the form of mockery, sarcasm, insults, or condescending looks, and can have a devastating impact on the other's self-esteem and dignity.
Effects of contempt on the relationship
Contempt undermines mutual respect in the couple, creating an environment of hostility and contempt that undermines intimacy and emotional connection. The constant presence of contempt in the relationship can lead to a progressive deterioration in communication, empathy and mutual understanding, generating a vicious circle of conflict and pain.
3. Defensive attitude
The defensive attitude is another of the riders of the apocalypse of love in the couple. It manifests itself when one of the members of the relationship adopts a posture of constant self-defense, denying responsibility for their actions or blaming the other for the problems in the relationship. The defensive attitude makes it difficult to resolve conflicts and teamwork, generating an emotional distance between the members of the couple.
Consequences of the defensive attitude
The defensive attitude makes communication difficult. effective and problem-solving in the couple, creating emotional barriers that prevent connection and intimacy. Additionally, it fuels a cycle of mistrust and resentment, as the couple does not feel heard or understood, which can lead to increasing emotional distance.
4. Blocking or evasion
Blocking or evasion is the last of the horsemen of the apocalypse of love in the couple. It manifests itself when one or both members of the relationship avoid facing problems and conflicts that arise, choosing to ignore or repress them instead of addressing them openly and constructively. Blocking or evasion can generate emotional distancing and a lack of intimacy in the couple.
Impact of blocking or evasion on the relationship
Blocking or evading problems in the couple It can lead to a buildup of resentment and unresolved frustration, creating a climate of tension and mistrust in the relationship. The lack of open and honest communication makes it difficult to resolve conflicts and build a solid emotional connection, putting the stability and happiness of the relationship at risk.
In conclusion, the 4 horsemen of the love apocalypse in the couple they represent destructive patterns of behavior that can undermine the very foundation of a relationship. It is essential to identify and address these patterns early, seeking professional help if necessary, to avoid relationship deterioration and cultivate healthy, lasting love. Open communication, mutual respect and teamwork are key to overcoming challenges and strengthening the emotional bond between the couple.