Dealing with shame is a fundamental aspect in people's development and psychological well-being. However, there is a type of shame that goes beyond the common and becomes a highly harmful phenomenon: toxic shame. This type of shame not only affects an individual's self-esteem and confidence, but can also have serious repercussions on their mental and emotional health.
What Is shame toxic?
Toxic shame refers to a feeling of dishonor, humiliation, and self-hatred that goes beyond healthy shame. While healthy shame can serve as an internal signal that we have transgressed some social or personal norm, toxic shame involves a deep internalization of the belief that we are inherently bad or defective.
People who experience Toxic shame often feels like they don't deserve love, respect, or happiness. This feeling can be so overwhelming that it leads the person to hide their true identity, to emotionally puncture themselves, and to live in a constant state of self-punishment.
Characteristics of toxic shame
Some of The most common characteristics of toxic shame include:
- Relentless self-criticism: People with toxic shame often criticize themselves excessively and negatively, without showing compassion for their own mistakes or shortcomings.
- Self-isolation: The fear of being judged and rejected can lead people with toxic shame to isolate themselves socially, avoiding situations in which they may feel exposed.
- Extreme perfectionism: Constantly seeking Perfection in everything they do can be a way to compensate for the deep sense of defect that people with toxic shame experience.
- Low self-esteem: Toxic shame is deeply linked to low self-esteem, as people They feel that they are not valuable or worthy enough.
What causes toxic shame?
Toxic shame can have several causes, which are often interrelated and interconnected. mutually reinforce:
Traumatic experiences
Traumatic events in childhood, such as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, can sow the seeds of toxic shame. Lack of emotional support and invalidation of emotions by caregivers can also contribute to their development.
Social and cultural expectations
Unrealistic social and cultural norms and expectations They can foster a sense of toxic shame in people. The pressure to meet ideals of beauty, success, or happiness can make people feel inherently inadequate.
Comparison with others
The tendency to constantly compare oneself to others Unhealthy can fuel feelings of toxic shame. Social networks and the media play an important role in this dynamic, by showing "perfect" lives that are not realistic.
Impact of toxic shame
Shame Toxins can have devastating effects on a person's life, affecting their mental and emotional health and interpersonal relationships. Some of the ways toxic shame can impact an individual include:
Mental disorders
Toxic shame is closely linked to disorders such as depression, anxiety, mood disorders, eating and post-traumatic stress disorder. People who experience toxic shame can fall into a cycle of emotional self-harm and self-destructive behaviors.
Self-esteem issues
Toxic shame undermines a person's self-esteem, making them believe that they are not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, or attractive enough. This can lead to a cycle of negative thoughts about oneself that are reinforced with each experience of shame.
Difficulties in interpersonal relationships
People with toxic shame may have difficulty establishing relationships. and maintain healthy relationships. Fear of rejection and vulnerability can lead to defensive behaviors, emotional avoidance, and lack of intimacy in relationships.
Impact on academic and work performance
Toxic shame can affect academic and work performance of a person, since fear of failure and criticism can paralyze their ability to face challenges and assume responsibilities.
How to overcome toxic shame?
Although Toxic shame can be an overwhelming challenge, it is possible to work through it and heal the emotional wounds that underlie this feeling. Some strategies that can help address toxic shame include:
Psychological therapy
Seeking help from a therapist trained in shame-related disorders can be instrumental in addressing the underlying causes of shame. this feeling. Cognitive behavioral therapy, compassion-focused therapy, and schema therapy are effective approaches to working through toxic shame.
Self-care practices
Self-care is essential in process of overcoming toxic shame. This includes cultivating self-acceptance, practicing self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and taking care of both body and mind through activities such as meditation, exercise, and adequate rest.
I work in the self-esteem
Strengthening self-esteem is crucial to counteract toxic shame. This involves challenging negative thoughts about yourself, identifying personal strengths and achievements, and practicing forgiveness and self-acceptance.
Create a support network
Build meaningful supportive relationships can help counteract toxic shame. Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can be an effective way to feel understood and accepted in times of vulnerability.
Conclusion
Toxic shame is a painful and debilitating phenomenon. that can profoundly affect a person's life. Recognizing this feeling, understanding its causes, and addressing it proactively are essential steps to healing and cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
Overcoming toxic shame is not an easy or quick process, but with With time, dedication and the right support, it is possible to free yourself from its clutches and live a fuller and more authentic life.