There are different types of attachment that people develop during childhood. These emotional pillars have a significant influence on our behavior, personality, and relational conduct throughout our lives. In another article, we described the concept of attachment and reviewed the four types of attachment described by John Bowlby.
In this new article, we will specifically address what is known as avoidant attachment. We will define its main characteristics in childhood and the effects it can have on a person's later life, as well as the path to resolving it in therapy.
What are the Characteristics of Avoidant Attachment?
In an avoidant attachment relationship, the caregiver barely attends to the child's emotional needs. They might meet the child's basic physical needs such as feeding, hygiene, and other care, but they avoid the relationship on an emotional level, either because they do not know how to manage it or it makes them feel insecure or anxious.
It can also happen that the child's emotional expression is met with ridicule or a lack of protection from the adult.
As a result, the child learns that the best way to communicate to be accepted is through emotional disconnection. Thus, they stop expressing themselves emotionally to avoid rejection and begin to adopt more emotionally distant behaviors.
These children display a false sense of security and self-sufficiency, though in reality, they feel undervalued and experience significant stress.
What Effects Does This Type of Attachment Have in Adulthood?
Emotional disconnection extends into adulthood. The person grows up with a serious difficulty in identifying and expressing their own emotions, as well as understanding those of others, because they lacked the necessary training in this area during childhood.
It is characteristic for such individuals to deny their vulnerability and appear self-sufficient, but this is only because they are disconnected from their emotional world. This false security stems from a lack of emotional recognition. Thus, they may engage in situations without truly knowing what they want, what their fears are, or what their needs might be.
They also do not know how to express fears or sadness, and their hidden suffering can lead to various somatizations, phobias, depressions, etc.
People who have developed an avoidant attachment type often have a good self-concept and high self-esteem (which distinguishes them from anxious-ambivalent individuals) derived from their autonomy. However, they tend to have a negative perception of others.
In intimate and romantic relationships, these individuals often face the greatest challenges, as they do not know how to manage their emotions at that level and find it difficult to regulate their emotions. Conversely, they usually do not encounter as many obstacles in their professional lives, as they can prioritize the rational over the emotional.
What are the Goals of Therapy for People with Avoidant Attachment?
Therapy should help these individuals gradually discover their own emotions at a pace they can tolerate. Learning to manage their emotions will enable them to use them in their relationships and for their own benefit.
These individuals often have little trust in therapy and the therapist. Therefore, gradually, they must be able to allow themselves to be cared for and recognize their vulnerability, as the excessive independence that serves as their shield actually hides a need for affection that the person is unable to express.
You can schedule an appointment for treatment here.